“But I Haven’t Experienced Religious Trauma”—How LGBTQIA+ Affirmative Therapy in St. Paul, MN Helps Unpack Subtle Wounds
Maybe you grew up in a household that rarely went to church, or perhaps your family never practiced any religion at all. Because of this, you might think you couldn’t possibly have been impacted negatively by these spaces. After all, if you never knelt in a pew or prayed before dinner, how could you be affected? But here’s the surprise: religion can impact people beyond the walls of a church, mosque, or synagogue. In many places, religious teachings shape society’s laws, language, and attitudes, especially regarding LGBTQIA+ people. Subtle and not-so-subtle messages about who is “acceptable” can reach us through our schools, media, and even the social norms we learn from neighbors and community leaders.
For LGBTQIA+ people, religion-based values can show up in both obvious and hidden ways. The larger systems within society impact and shape our personal lives. Even if you never wore a choir robe or opened a holy book, you might still internalize ideas like “being queer is sinful” or “relationships should only look one way.” These ideas often come from theology that paints LGBTQIA+ identities as wrong or inferior. They can slip into everyday language, jokes, or policy decisions—leading many queer and trans folks to feel shame or fear, sometimes without even knowing why.
Hidden Impacts of Anti-LGBTQIA+ Theology in Society
1. Media and Pop Culture:
Watch a TV sitcom that has a token “gay best friend,” and you might notice how the writers rarely give this character a serious romance. Even if there’s no direct mention of religion, the story might reflect a belief that queer people don’t deserve the same depth of love. These scripts can quietly teach us that LGBTQIA+ relationships are less valid.
2. School and Peer Groups:
Some people grew up hearing phrases like “That’s so gay” on the playground. Even if they’ve never set foot in a church, they’ve absorbed negative ideas linked to old religious teachings that mark queer identities as abnormal. Over time, such words can leave people feeling uneasy or unsafe about their own orientation or gender.
3. Laws and Public Policy:
In certain places, laws supported by religious groups limit how LGBTQIA+ couples can marry, adopt children, or discuss LGBTQIA+ topics in schools. So even if you’re not personally religious, these restrictions affect your everyday life. They teach you that, under the law, your relationships are “lesser” or your family is “not normal.”
4. Family and Community Attitudes:
You might have relatives who, influenced by their faith, say things like, “I love you but I hate the sin,” or “I just want you to be careful—some lifestyles are not right in the eyes of God.” Such statements suggest that you need to be fixed. Over time, that subtle message can eat away at your sense of worth.
As writer and speaker Alok Vaid-Menon reminds us, these norms and rules do not always shout in our faces. Often, they whisper through everyday interactions. We might not even notice them until we see how they limit our ability to feel safe, valued, and free.
Why It Matters, Even If “Nothing Really Bad Happened”
Glennon Doyle often talks about the power of listening to our own intuition—the quiet voice that knows when something feels wrong. For many LGBTQIA+ folks, a sense of tension can build when our inner truth runs up against the world’s disapproval. Some people learn to hide their queerness or feel uneasy in certain community settings. Others might never fully embrace their identity because they’ve picked up the idea that being straight or cisgender is “more acceptable.”
You might tell yourself, “I wasn’t kicked out of my home, so it wasn’t trauma,” or “No one forced me to attend a religious service I didn’t like.” But trauma isn’t always about grand, violent acts. It’s also about the slow pressure of feeling that you’re not truly accepted—even if no one directly says it.
What Is LGBTQIA+ Affirmative Therapy?
LGBTQIA+ affirmative therapy is a type of counseling that does more than offer a neutral space. It actively supports and celebrates the experiences of queer and trans people, recognizing how larger social forces—like religion-based beliefs—can cause harm. In these sessions, you and your understanding LGBTQ+ therapist can explore how everyday moments might have chipped away at your self-esteem or sense of belonging.
For example, maybe you realize you avoid showing affection to your partner in public because you worry about judgment. Or you freeze up when someone uses religious phrases like “pray the gay away,” even as a joke. Sometimes, we don’t connect these reactions to deeper wounds we carry from living in a society shaped by certain faith traditions. LGBTQIA+ Affirmative therapy helps you identify these links, work through your feelings, and find new ways to move forward with more self-love and confidence.
Examples of Subtle Wounds
Fear of Being “Found Out”:
You might never have been in a church that preaches fire and brimstone. Still, if you grew up hearing secondhand comments—like a neighbor who says, “I don’t understand how gay people can be Christian”—you might develop a secret fear of being outed, even in non-religious spaces.
Guilt Around Self-Expression:
Perhaps you felt excited about experimenting with your look or pronouns. But when you tried, a friend or family member (influenced by certain beliefs) made a disapproving comment like, “God made you perfect as you are.” That passing remark might make you doubt whether exploring your gender identity is allowed or respectable.
Unease in Social Gatherings:
At a family reunion or community picnic, you might notice how people avoid asking about your love life or skip over your partner’s name. They might not openly condemn you, yet the lack of acknowledgment can feel like a reminder that your relationship is seen as “less appropriate.”
Healing Through Self-Awareness and Community
Writer and activist James Baldwin often wrote about the importance of facing our past and our society’s stories so that we can become truly free. In this same spirit, LGBTQIA+ affirmative therapy encourages us to look at these subtle patterns head-on. It helps us see that even if we never formally joined a religion, we might still live in a culture shaped by certain moral or spiritual ideas that tell us who we can or cannot be.
Steps Toward Healing:
Name the Source: Recognize that these shame-filled messages may come from a broader system, not just your personal experiences. Being able to say, “This fear I have comes from society’s religious beliefs, not from my own failure,” can be powerful.
Practice Self-Compassion: In counseling, you can explore kinder ways to talk to yourself. Instead of feeling guilty for your identity, you learn to appreciate the unique person you are—someone who deserves respect and love.
Reclaim Your Story: If you want a spiritual life, you can seek faith communities that celebrate LGBTQIA+ members. If you don’t want organized religion at all, that’s okay too. The main goal is to make choices based on what feeds your soul, not what others think is correct.
Build Supportive Networks: Look for friends, support groups, or mentors who embrace queer and trans identities without question. Sharing your experiences with people who get it can speed up your healing and help you see that you’re not alone.
Moving Beyond Survival with LGBTQIA+ Affimative Therapy
One of the lessons we can take from Glennon Doyle is that simply getting by—merely existing day-to-day—is not the same as truly living. You may learn to “blend in” just to avoid conflict. We shrink ourselves and follow unwritten rules. But living fully means breaking out of those rules. It means allowing your authenticity to shine, even if you once learned that doing so was wrong.
We often think religion can negatively impact us only if you’ve been directly involved in a strict faith system. In reality, these beliefs can spread throughout a society in ways that harm queer folks, whether we’re a part of that community or not. LGBTQIA+ affirmative therapy can be the safe place that helps us unpack these subtler wounds. It lets us understand how deep the roots of these messages go and how we can challenge them with kindness toward ourselves and others.
Remember: just because something was done with kind intent or quietly does not make it harmless. If these beliefs keep you from feeling at ease about who you are, they matter. Therapy offers a path to see these hidden influences, process the hurt they caused, and reclaim a sense of pride and self-determination.
Alok Vaid-Menon’s writing highlights, questioning the rules that limit us is the first step toward living openly and fully. Recognizing that harm from religious and spiritual spaces can exist even if you never practiced a religion is key to breaking free from unspoken shame. By embracing LGBTQIA+ affirmative therapy—or simply seeking out supportive, loving spaces—you can move from mere survival to greater freedom. And in that freedom, you’ll find not only healing but the power to shape your own life story.
Unpacking Internalized Beliefs and Finding Support with LGBTQIA+ Affirmative Therapy in Minneapolis, MN
Unpacking the past and reclaiming your identity takes courage—but you don’t have to do it alone. Even if you never practiced a religion, the messages society sends about LGBTQIA+ identities can shape how you see yourself in ways you may not realize. At NobleTree Therapy, we provide a safe, affirming therapy space where you can explore these hidden influences, process feelings of shame or uncertainty, and move toward self-acceptance. Our compassionate LGBTQIA+ therapy services in the Minneapolis area help you understand how societal beliefs may have impacted you and give you the tools to step into your full, authentic self. If you're ready to start your healing journey:
Connect with one of our understanding LGBTQ+ therapists
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Comprehensive Counseling Services at NobleTree Therapy in the Minneapolis & St. Paul Area
At NobleTree Therapy, we are dedicated to supporting individuals, couples, and families on their unique paths to healing and self-discovery. Our therapists provide a compassionate space where you are truly seen and valued. In addition to general therapy and LGBTQ therapy, we specialize in creative self-expression, identity exploration, and grief counseling, helping clients navigate life’s challenges with greater clarity and resilience. No matter where you are on your journey, we are here to guide and support you every step of the way.