Tactics of High-Control Systems and Their Impact on LGBTQIA+ Folks
When Fear Masks Itself as Guidance
There is a slow awakening that comes when we realize we have been caught in something larger than ourselves. A net, invisible yet suffocating, woven by systems designed not to guide but to confine. For LGBTQIA+ individuals, this experience is all too familiar. High-control systems—whether in religious institutions, political ideologies, families, or social groups—work insidiously, often cloaked in the language of love and guidance, yet carrying an undercurrent of dominance and fear. These systems shape not only what we believe but how we see ourselves. And when identity itself becomes a battleground, the damage is profound.
Psychologist Carl Jung believed that individuation, the process of becoming one’s true self, is a necessary journey. But high-control systems fear individuality. They demand conformity, punishing divergence with isolation, shame, and even violence. The cost is the erosion of authenticity, the very thing that makes life meaningful. The challenge here is not just external—it seeps into the psyche, leading many to wrestle with internalized self-rejection long after they have physically left the system. The grip of such an environment extends beyond doctrine; it infiltrates one’s emotional and cognitive landscapes, shaping thoughts, perceptions, and self-worth in ways that make escaping feel impossible.
The Mechanics of High-Control Systems
Steven Hassan, an expert in cult dynamics, identifies key markers of high-control environments. His BITE model outlines the ways these systems control Behavior, Information, Thought, and Emotion. When applied to LGBTQIA+ individuals, these methods become even more dangerous, aiming not just to suppress individuality but to erase it altogether. These systems do not merely discourage deviation; they instill fear so deeply that individuals feel that to leave or question the system is to endanger their very existence.
1. Behavior Control: Policing Expression and Identity
High-control systems enforce strict behavioral rules, dictating how individuals should dress, speak, love, and live. Queer and trans people often experience this as rigid gender norms, expectations of heterosexuality, or religious mandates that demand celibacy or conversion therapy. The message is clear: there is only one acceptable way to exist, and deviation will be met with punishment.
Kristin Kobes Du Mez, in her book Jesus and John Wayne, details how religious fundamentalism in the U.S. reinforces strict gender roles, linking masculinity with domination and femininity with submission. These expectations extend beyond theology, influencing broader cultural narratives that position LGBTQIA+ identities as inherent threats to social stability.
Furthermore, behavior control often manifests in workplace discrimination, social exclusion, and legal frameworks designed to limit LGBTQIA+ rights. Many of the things we are facing today: laws banning gender-affirming care, restrictions on same-sex relationships, and opposition to LGBTQIA+ representation in media all serve as systemic extensions of this coercive control, reinforcing a singular narrative of acceptable existence. Individuals who fail to conform may find themselves ostracized, unemployed, and cut off from vital resources.
2. Information Control: Distorting Truth to Maintain Power
Many LGBTQIA+ individuals grow up in environments where access to affirming narratives is restricted. Schools, churches, and families may limit books, websites, and discussions that challenge the prescribed worldview. The result is an internalized belief that queerness itself is unnatural or wrong, a devastating psychological weapon that leads to self-doubt and shame.
Religious historian Anthea Butler examines how institutions manipulate historical and theological narratives to serve power structures. By presenting specific interpretations of religious texts as absolute truth, these systems discourage critical thinking and shut down access to alternative perspectives. The suppression of queer-affirming theological interpretations is one of many ways information control manifests in religious high-control systems.
Similarly, political entities and extremist groups use disinformation campaigns to spread fear and misinformation about LGBTQIA+ people. Media narratives demonizing queer identities, pseudoscience framing trans identities as a “social contagion,” and historical revisionism that erases queer contributions from history all serve as tactics of information control, ensuring that individuals remain isolated from affirming realities.
When you only have one source of information—especially one steeped in condemnation and fear—you may begin to believe that no other reality exists. In such an environment, even seeking alternative perspectives can be seen as sinful, traitorous, or a sign of weak faith. Consequently, many LGBTQIA+ individuals endure years of shame and self-denial, convinced that if they simply pray harder or become more devout, they can erase their true selves.
3. Thought Control: Reframing Oppression as Love
One of the most sinister tactics of high-control systems is teaching people to surveil their own thoughts. LGBTQIA+ individuals are often conditioned to reject themselves, to believe that their authentic desires are sinful or misguided. These systems redefine love as conditional: you are worthy only if you comply, only if you suppress. This thought control fosters cognitive dissonance—one part of the self knowing who they are, the other part being taught to fear it.
Reza Aslan, in his work on religious extremism, highlights how rigid ideological systems use cognitive control to sustain themselves. He argues that fundamentalist belief structures depend on a kind of intellectual isolation—where adherents are discouraged from engaging with external viewpoints, reinforcing internal policing mechanisms that suppress independent thought. This means that even within an individual’s mind, self-doubt and fear become tools of control, inhibiting self-acceptance and growth.
Over time, individuals in these environments often develop shame-based identities. They may continuously question whether they are worthy of love—either divine or human—if they do not perfectly fit the mold prescribed by their community. They internalize the belief that they are inherently flawed, fueling mental health struggles like anxiety, depression, and suicidal ideation. In many instances, this internal war can become so overwhelming that people doubt their capacity for joy, closeness, or belonging.
High-control systems also exploit the natural human need for belonging. They offer belonging—on the condition of obedience. For LGBTQIA+ folks, this can mean you can remain in the family, church, or community only if you deny core parts of yourself. Such a Faustian bargain leads to a fractured sense of identity: physically present but psychologically distant from one’s own truth.
4. Emotional Control: Weaponizing Fear, Guilt, and Shame
Perhaps the most devastating control tactic is emotional manipulation. High-control environments instill fear of rejection, divine punishment, or eternal damnation. They use guilt as a leash, making individuals feel personally responsible for the suffering of their families or communities if they step outside the prescribed norms. The weight of this is unbearable, leading many to self-harm, silence, or deep dissociation from themselves.
Many individuals experience complex trauma from such environments, as emotional control often comes with public shaming, familial estrangement, or community ostracization.
Emotional manipulation is not limited to the threat of punishment. Often, there is the promise of reward: acceptance, love, and a sense of worthiness—but only if you follow the rules. This double-edged approach of threats and occasional praise creates a traumatic bonding process, where people remain bound to the system out of hope or desperation. For LGBTQIA+ individuals, who may already feel vulnerable in a society rife with discrimination, these emotional tactics are doubly potent.
Reclaiming Identity as an LGBTQIA+ Individual
While the impact of high-control systems is profound, liberation and healing are possible. Recognizing that you have been operating under externally imposed beliefs, rather than your own, can ignite a new sense of agency. Here are steps that many have found helpful on their journey:
1. Educate Yourself
Access to knowledge is an act of empowerment. Seek out affirming literature, attend LGBTQIA+ events, and explore podcasts or videos that validate and celebrate queer identities. Look for scholarly work examining the social and historical contexts of LGBTQIA+ oppression, such as that by historians John Boswell or theologians like Nancy Wilson who champion inclusive theology. By broadening your knowledge base, you begin to dismantle the one-sided narratives.
2. Challenge Internalized Beliefs
Identify the negative scripts you’ve internalized. Ask yourself whose voice it really is. Is it a parent’s condemnation, a religious leader’s threat, or society’s prejudice? Therapy, especially approaches like internal family systems, EMDR, or narrative therapy, can help unpack these layers of conditioning. Journaling is another powerful tool—writing down your thoughts and then examining them critically can reveal just how much of your self-image was shaped by external control.
3. Find Safe, Affirming Community
Connection is vital to healing and thriving. LGBTQIA+ support groups, both online and in person, provide solidarity and understanding that can be lifesaving. Spaces focused on artistic expression—such as queer-friendly theaters, art collectives, or writing groups—offer an outlet for the creative power often stifled under high-control systems. As you share your experiences with others who affirm your worth, the grip of shame and fear may begin to loosen.
4. Reclaim the Body
High-control systems frequently disassociate individuals from their own bodies through purity culture, shaming of sexual expression, or enforced gender norms. Reconnecting with your body through activities like dance, yoga, meditation, or even mindful walks can be profoundly healing. Embrace styles of dress that reflect your identity, seek affirming medical care - reconnecting with your body is an act of reclamation.
5. Practice Radical Self-Compassion
Healing isn’t linear. There will be moments of doubt, flashbacks to old beliefs, and periods of mourning for lost time. Cultivate a practice of self-kindness—replace self-criticism with understanding and patience. Affirm your journey by celebrating small victories, whether it’s setting a boundary with a family member or allowing yourself to feel joy in your identity for the first time.
Unraveling Complex Trauma
The trauma resulting from years of coercive control can be complex. Many LGBTQIA+ individuals suffer from symptoms akin to Complex PTSD (C-PTSD), which can include emotional dysregulation, negative self-perception, and difficulty maintaining relationships. LGBTQ+ trauma therapists in Minnesota, such as those at NobleTree Therapy, who are well-versed in religious or cult trauma can offer specialized support.
Dr. Janja Lalich’s work underscores the importance of psychoeducation in trauma recovery. Understanding how high-control systems operate on a psychological level can help survivors depersonalize the abuse, recognizing it as a systematic method rather than a personal failing. Peer support, LGBTQIA+ therapy, and sometimes medication can be part of a holistic approach to healing the deep wounds left by emotional and psychological manipulation.
Cultural and Global Contexts
High-control dynamics targeting LGBTQIA+ communities are not confined to one country or culture. Across the globe, you’ll find variations of these tactics, shaped by cultural norms, legal systems, and historical prejudices. In certain regions, discriminatory laws allow for the imprisonment or even execution of queer people, reinforcing a culture where fear is the dominant tool.
In secular high-control systems, the justifications may not be explicitly religious but can still revolve around rigid ideologies and social norms. For instance, extremist political movements sometimes scapegoat LGBTQIA+ people as threats to national identity or social cohesion. By manufacturing an external enemy, these movements galvanize their members and justify harsh control measures, all under the guise of protecting “traditional values.”
The Power of Collective Resistance
It’s crucial to note that while high-control systems rely on isolation to maintain power, collective resistance has historically dismantled oppressive structures. Grassroots movements, pride marches, legal advocacy, and supportive communities all serve to challenge the narratives and legislation that seek to erase LGBTQIA+ identities.
The work of activists like Marsha P. Johnson, Sylvia Rivera, and countless others demonstrates how marginalized communities can find power in unity. By banding together, sharing stories, and claiming public spaces, they disrupt the cycle of control. Policy changes, from marriage equality to anti-discrimination protections, are direct results of collective advocacy. Each of these milestones chips away at the broader mechanism of behavior, information, thought, and emotional control.
The Wild and Precious Life That Awaits for LGBTQIA+ Folks
Leaving a high-control system is an act of defiance. It is also an act of creation—an opportunity to discover who you are when you’re not constantly contorting yourself to please or appease others. Jung believed that wholeness requires integration: the bringing together of all fractured parts into something complete and real. As you step away from control and into autonomy, you do just that: you weave together every lost, exiled part of yourself into something radiant.
For LGBTQIA+ individuals, authenticity is more than personal liberation; it is resistance. Every queer person who steps into their truth disrupts the cycle of control. Every act of self-love in the face of fear is a revolution. The journey out of high-control systems is long and challenging, but it is also a reclamation—a return to oneself after years of external attempts to diminish and erase.
Navigation Doubt and Embracing Freedom
There will be moments when the echoes of past fear resurface—moments when you might question whether you’ve done the right thing by leaving or speaking up. But in these moments, remember that the very fact you can question, think freely, and choose your own path is a testament to your freedom. You’ve reclaimed your voice from the machinery of control.
And perhaps that is the greatest fear of high-control systems—that once we find ourselves, once we see the cage for what it is, we will never again be captured. The truth is, once you begin to experience the world on your own terms, discover affirming connections, and embrace your natural identity, it becomes nearly impossible to return to a life of restriction and fear.
Creating a Life Beyond Fear and Shame
As the poet Mary Oliver asked, “Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?” For those emerging from high-control systems, this question rings with renewed importance. It is not just about survival anymore, but about deciding how you will fill the space once occupied by shame and fear. Will you cultivate creativity, love deeply, advocate for others still trapped in oppressive systems? Will you pass along your hard-won knowledge to those just beginning to question?
Every step you take forward—every self-affirming choice, every boundary set, every piece of misinformation challenged—loosens the hold that high-control systems have had on our collective psyche. And in doing so, you become part of a legacy of resistance, joining countless individuals who have refused to let their identities be dictated by oppressive ideologies.
Ultimately, the most subversive act is to live freely and openly as yourself, to stand in the face of those who insist you must hide or change, and to proclaim that you are enough, exactly as you are. In that bold act of self-acceptance lies the unraveling of high-control tactics, an unraveling that paves the way for not just personal liberation, but collective liberation as well.
Reclaiming Your Identity and Finding Support with LGBTQIA+ Therapists in the Minneapolis Area
At NobleTree Therapy, we understand the profound impact of high-control systems on LGBTQIA2S+ individuals and the courage it takes to break free from them. Our LGBTQ therapists in the Minneapolis area provide a compassionate, affirming space where you can reclaim your voice, process past trauma, and step into the fullness of your identity. Together, we’ll explore the challenges of deconstructing harmful narratives while building a life rooted in authenticity, self-acceptance, and liberation. Healing is possible, and you don’t have to navigate it alone. With LGBTQ+ therapy, we honor your journey and support you in forging a future of empowerment and belonging. If you’re ready to embrace life on your own terms:
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Other Inclusive Therapy Services We Offer in Minnesota
Our LGBTQ therapists in Minneapolis and throughout Minnesota offer a variety of inclusive therapy services to support you in everything you are going through. This includes individual counseling, couples therapy, and family therapy with a compassionate and inclusive approach that values your unique journey. We also focus on other specialized areas like creative expression, identity development, and grief, and loss to address life’s complex challenges. At NobleTree Therapy, our commitment is to support your healing and growth in a space where you are truly seen and valued.