Why Religious Teachings Stay with LGBTQIA+ People—and How Therapy Helps Let Them Go
It’s difficult to shake those early lessons about who we’re allowed to be and how we’re supposed to live—especially if we’ve been told they come straight from the lips of the Divine. For many LGBTQIA+ individuals, these teachings can linger in the background of our lives for years, shaping how we see ourselves and how we relate to the world. Even after we come out or embrace our identities, the lessons taught in our formative religious communities can hold us captive in ways that are subtle yet profound. This clinging effect can bring about internalized shame, identity conflict, and a sense of disconnection from the self. Let’s explore why these teachings remain so strong—and how LGBTQIA+ counseling can help us find relief.
The Early Lessons That Imprint
From the moment we become aware of ourselves in a religious environment, we’re surrounded by words, rituals, and symbols that shape our worldview. The promise is simple: follow these sacred rules, and you’ll belong; step outside them, and you risk losing love, community, or even salvation. For a child or a young adult—who is still making sense of who they are—these warnings can settle deep in the psyche. Carl Jung proposed that the human mind contains a collective unconscious filled with archetypes and symbols; in a similar way, these religious messages function almost like “spiritual archetypes” that become woven into our mental fabric. They’re not merely doctrines we memorize. They are images of heaven and hell, salvation and sin, holiness and transgression. They become the bedrock of our understanding of right and wrong, good and bad, pure and impure.
For LGBTQIA+ folks, this coding comes with an added burden. From the start, we suspect something about ourselves might not align with the community’s teachings. Maybe we feel an unspoken or explicit dread: “If they knew who I really was, would they cast me out?” That fear can embed itself within our subconscious, quietly shaping how we learn to navigate social spaces, relationships, and even our own sense of worth. Once that kind of dread is anchored in the psyche, it doesn’t disappear just because we grow up, leave home, or exit the church. It’s like a well-worn groove in our brain that our thoughts and emotions naturally slip into whenever something triggers that old fear of rejection or condemnation.
Why Religious Lessons Stick Around
Steven Hassan, leading expert on high-control environments, has extensively studied how these groups and systems of belief can maintain a powerful hold on individuals, even long after they’ve physically left the group. His insights often emphasize the power of repetitive doctrine, social reinforcement, and fear-based teachings. Religious communities can operate similarly: Repetitive teachings about what’s “sinful” or “acceptable” become so normalized that they shape our core moral compass. Even if those beliefs conflict with our budding self-awareness, they can be terribly difficult to dislodge.
Moreover, the nature of religious conviction lends a certain gravity to these lessons. Faith-based teachings are often imbued with an eternal significance—“God says so,” “the Bible says so,” or “this is the only path to salvation.” These instructions aren’t just personal opinions; they’re presented as absolute truths affecting one’s standing with a divine power. If you, as an LGBTQIA+ person, were raised to believe that your identity might jeopardize your spiritual future, it can feel almost impossible to shrug off the anxiety and fear. Even when we intellectually know that a more loving, affirming interpretation of faith exists—or that we’re entirely within our rights to walk away from religion altogether—our psyche can remain anchored in those old messages.
The Psychological Toll
One reason these teachings are so sticky is that they’re intimately tied to a longing for belonging. Many of us crave community and acceptance, and religious institutions often function as tight-knit families. When you fear losing that family, you’ll do whatever you can to keep from straying too far. Trauma isn’t just about what happens to us in a singular event; it’s about the repeated experiences of not being safe to be who we are.
These repeated experiences can lead to spiritual and emotional trauma. We carry shame, guilt, or a persistent sense of being “unholy” or “wrong.” This can manifest in various ways—anxiety in relationships, self-sabotaging behaviors, depression, or even physical symptoms like chronic fatigue or headaches. For some, it leads to an ongoing sense of disorientation: “Who am I if I don’t follow these rules?” or “How do I live without the comfort of the community I once relied on?” Over time, if left unaddressed, these internal conflicts can hinder our ability to form healthy relationships, set boundaries, or trust our own instincts.
The LGBTQIA+ Therapy Journey: Rewriting the Script
Letting go of these deeply ingrained teachings isn’t an overnight process—it’s a journey, one that often starts with finding a safe space to unpack the layers of internalized messages. Therapy provides this container, offering a nurturing environment where we can start questioning the beliefs that have shaped us. Part of the work involves recognizing that these old teachings aren’t the immutable words of the universe, but rather a set of interpretations handed down by particular people with specific agendas and cultural contexts.
With religious trauma LGBTQIA+ therapists, you might explore the patterns of thought that still reflect your religious upbringing, such as viewing your own desires as morally suspect or believing you’re “broken” if you don’t measure up to a certain standard. Through guided self-reflection, you learn to challenge these beliefs, trace their origins, and assess whether they still hold validity for you. Gradually, you begin to see them for what they are—psychological echoes from a past that may no longer serve your present identity.
Reclaiming Spiritual and Personal Authority
Carl Jung believed in the importance of individuation: the process of becoming your fullest, most authentic self. A core part of individuation involves reclaiming your authority over your own psyche. For those who have been raised within restrictive religious frameworks, LGBTQ+ therapy can serve as an arena where we learn to trust our inner compass. Instead of deferring to external authorities—be they scripture, religious leaders, or community norms—we discover that we have an internal wisdom that knows what we need and who we are at our core.
This is where Jung’s notion of the shadow can come into play. Often, the parts of ourselves that don’t align with our religious upbringing get relegated to the shadows of our psyche. In LGBTQIA+ therapy, we learn to bring them into the light, and to accept them with compassion rather than condemnation. By integrating these shadow aspects—our authentic sexual orientations, gender identities, or desires—we discover a fuller sense of self, no longer split between who we are and who we think we’re supposed to be.
Breaking the Chains of Undue Influence
Steven Hassan’s research on undue influence highlights the importance of recognizing when our behavior and thinking patterns are directed by an external authority rather than our own free will. In this sense, therapy becomes a process of recognizing the undue influence of rigid religious teachings and reorienting towards self-directed values. It’s not about throwing away faith or spirituality altogether (unless that’s what you choose). Instead, it’s about discerning which elements of faith resonate with your authentic self and which were imposed to maintain control or conformity.
Healing Religious Trauma in LGBTQIA+ Therapy
Healing is a holistic and multifaceted process. It isn’t enough to just replace “bad theology” with “good theology.” The body, mind, and spirit have all been impacted by the repeated stress of feeling unacceptable in your spiritual community. LGBTQ+ therapy often involves somatic work—practices that help you release tension or trapped emotions in the body. You may engage in mindfulness, grounding exercises, or creative expression to process old wounds. The goal is to integrate these experiences so they no longer haunt you. We support clients in reconnecting to their heart, mind, and body.
Over time, many people also choose to craft a new spiritual or personal belief system. Sometimes this means finding an LGBTQIA+-affirming church or faith tradition. Other times, it means stepping away from organized religion and discovering a more personal spirituality—or even an entirely secular worldview. The common thread is empowerment: the conscious choice to define your beliefs and values on your own terms.
Moving Forward & Healing Religious Trauma
As you continue to heal, you might notice that the voice in your head calling you “broken” or “unworthy” becomes quieter. You start to feel more at home in your own skin. Your relationships deepen, and you can connect with people without the constant fear of condemnation. Perhaps most importantly, you finally allow yourself to believe that you are inherently good, lovable, and worthy—qualities that no external authority can deny.
Letting go of religious teachings that harm rather than heal is a journey that requires courage and vulnerability. LGBTQIA+ therapy offers invaluable tools and insights on this path, helping us see that those long-held beliefs aren’t the ultimate truth. They’re just stories—and we have every right to rewrite them.
Healing Religious Trauma and Embracing Your Authentic Self with LGBTQIA+ Therapy in the Minneapolis & Saint Paul Area
At NobleTree Therapy, we recognize how deeply religious teachings can shape your self-perception, especially for LGBTQIA+ individuals navigating identity, faith, and personal liberation. The journey to healing from internalized shame and reclaiming your sense of self is challenging—but you don’t have to do it alone. Our compassionate, affirming LGBTQIA+ therapists in the Minneapolis area provide a safe space to explore and process religious trauma, rewrite harmful narratives, and step into a life that aligns with your true identity. Whether you're seeking to integrate spirituality in a way that supports you or break free from teachings that no longer serve you, we’re here to help. If you're ready to reclaim your voice and move toward self-acceptance:
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Other Counseling Services Offered at NobleTree Therapy in Minnesota
Our dedicated therapists provide a range of supportive, inclusive therapy services tailored to your unique experiences. We offer individual counseling, couples therapy, and family therapy, all delivered with compassion and a deep respect for your personal journey. Additionally, we specialize in areas such as creative expression, identity development, and navigating grief and loss, addressing the multifaceted challenges life presents. At NobleTree Therapy, we are committed to fostering your healing and growth within a space where you are genuinely seen and valued.