“Am I Broken?”: How Religious Trauma Creates False Beliefs About LGBTQIA+ Identity
There’s a moment many of us recall when we lie awake at night. In that half-light of our minds, we ask ourselves the silent, soul-searing question: Am I broken? This lie—fuelled by religious teachings that label certain identities as sinful—can seep into every corner of our hearts, convincing us that our very existence is flawed. But “Am I broken?” is just one of many false beliefs religious trauma creates for LGBTQIA+ people.
These beliefs fester in the hush of sermons and in the tense pauses of family gatherings. It might be the unspoken rule that being authentic is dangerous, or the subtle insinuation that God’s love has conditions. Whichever form it takes, these narratives work on us until they weigh heavier than truth. If you’ve ever found yourself deep in self-doubt, wondering if you must choose between your faith and your queerness, you’re not alone. Let’s shine a light on some of these pervasive misconceptions—and call them out for what they really are.
False Belief #1: “I Must Choose Between My Faith and My Identity”
For many LGBTQIA+ individuals who grew up in religious environments, there’s a clear (though unspoken) rule: you can be queer or you can be faithful—but never both. This is particularly insidious because spirituality is often a source of deep comfort and community. Having to sever yourself from that spiritual grounding to be your authentic self feels like an impossible choice.
Here’s the liberating truth: faith and identity are not mutually exclusive. Not all religious communities interpret scripture in a way that excludes LGBTQIA+ people. There are vibrant, affirming churches, synagogues, mosques, temples, and spiritual groups that read sacred texts through a lens of love, justice, and equality. If you’ve been told you must choose, remember that such an ultimatum comes from flawed human interpretation, not from universal love.
False Belief #2: “God Does Not Love Me Because I’m LGBTQIA+”
Nothing shakes our sense of worthiness like believing we’re unloved at a cosmic level. When religious trauma teaches that being gay, bi, trans, non-binary—or anything other than cis/straight—places you outside the scope of divine love, it spawns profound isolation. But this statement—that God’s love is off-limits to you—is often a tactic to control behavior through fear.
Author and speaker Brene Brown reminds us that shame is rooted in the fear of disconnection. When we internalize that we’re disconnected from the ultimate source of love, we can sink into a darkness that feels impossible to escape. The antidote is naming the lie: “I’m unlovable.” Poet, speaker, and writer Alok Vaid-Menon’s fearless self-expression reminds us that our identities—far from disqualifying us—can actually bring us closer to the divine. Authenticity, after all, is the beating heart of genuine spirituality.
False Belief #3: “I Must Hide or ‘Fix’ My Identity to Be Worthy”
From “ex-gay therapy” to harmful doctrine that frames queerness as a temptation to overcome, many LGBTQIA+ folks internalize the notion that hiding or “fixing” their identity is the only path to peace. This is a particularly dangerous lie because it pushes people to suppress essential parts of themselves.
Yet how many of us have tried and ended up feeling even more broken? These “fix-it” approaches typically intensify shame. Instead, we can recognize that the friction we feel doesn’t come from our identities; it comes from the impossible job of pretending to be something we’re not. Healing begins when we accept that our identities need not be fixed because they were never broken.
False Belief #4: “I Have No Place in My Community If I Embrace My True Self”
Communities can be an incredible source of belonging—but for many queer individuals, religious communities have been a place of exclusion or judgment. That dread of losing an entire support system can be crushing. Often, we absorb the belief that if we come out, we’ll become outcasts.
While it’s true that some communities remain closed off to LGBTQIA+ acceptance, not all do. They’re creating inclusive and safe spaces. If you’ve been told you’ll never belong, let this be your gentle reminder: You do belong, even if it’s not in the same pew you grew up in. There are new communities—both spiritual and secular—eager to welcome you with open arms. Seeking guidance from an LGBTQIA+ therapist can also be a transformative step in navigating these challenges and finding affirming communities that support you.
False Belief #5: “It’s Too Late for Me to Reclaim My Faith or Find Healing”
Religious trauma can lead us down a road of self-blame, telling us we’ve strayed too far from the path, we’ve lost too much time, or it’s too complicated to find a new way forward. Healing might seem like an elusive goal, buried beneath layers of old wounds. But that, too, is a myth designed to keep you in place.
Healing and growth don’t arrive in a straight line or a single breakthrough moment. Whether you’re 18 or 80, there is no expiration date on self-discovery, no moment “too late” to open your heart to a truer expression of love or a more inclusive form of faith. Your timeline belongs to you.
Moving Toward Wholeness with Support of LGBTQIA+ Therapists
So, if you’ve wrestled with any of these false beliefs, consider this a gentle invitation to reflect on where they came from. Was it a sermon that implied love had conditions? Was it a family member who weaponized scripture for control? Was it a culture of silence around topics of sexuality and gender? As Brene Brown reminds us, once we start naming our shame, its grip loosens. And as Alok Vaid-Menon’s unapologetic authenticity shows, living out loud can be a powerful antidote to falsehoods designed to keep us small.
You deserve communities—and a spiritual life—that embrace the fullness of who you are. Your identity is a gift, a tapestry of possibility. You’re not here to confine yourself to someone else’s idea of righteousness or normalcy. You’re here to live, to love, to connect, and to keep discovering the infinite ways in which your authenticity can bring healing. So, take a moment right here, right now, to breathe deeply. Feel your heart beating—steady, resilient. Let that rhythm remind you that you’re not broken, nor are you an outsider to love. You have always been worthy. You are free to release every false belief, to untangle from every thread of shame, and to step boldly into the truth of who you are.
Healing Religious Trauma: Supportive LGBTQIA+ Therapists in the Minneapolis & Saint Paul Area
At NobleTree Therapy, our dedicated team of LGBTQIA+ therapists in Minneapolis understands the profound impact of religious trauma on LGBTQIA+ individuals. We recognize how such experiences can shape self-perception and foster false beliefs about one's worthiness. You are not broken, and you deserve to reclaim your identity, find healing, and live a life that is authentically yours. Our compassionate and affirming LGBTQIA+ therapists provide a safe space to explore and dismantle these deeply ingrained narratives, process past wounds, and move toward a future rooted in self-acceptance. Whether you're seeking to reconcile your faith with your identity or heal outside of religious frameworks, we're here to support you.
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Reach out and find the right LGBTQIA+ affirming therapist for you
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Other Therapy Services for You & Your Family in Minnesota
At NobleTree Therapy, we offer a range of inclusive therapy services designed to support LGBTQIA+ individuals in Minneapolis and throughout Minnesota. Our services include counseling for individuals, support for couples, and a safe open therapy space for families. All of which is delivered with a compassionate and affirming approach that honors your unique journey. We also specialize in areas such as creative expression, identity development, and navigating grief and loss, addressing the complex challenges you may face. Our commitment is to foster your healing and growth within a space where you are genuinely seen and valued.